Pieces
by wildmage89
Summary: While the pieces of the world rain down around my head I have to wonder how it all happened....where everything went wrong....why I wasn't good enough....


This story was written one night after I found out that the guy that I liked didn't want anything to do with me in that way. Since then everything has kind of worked itself out. We're still best friends its just hard to be around him sometimes. But so here it goes...please review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, but that shouldn't be a surprise...

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So this is what it feels like; unrequited love. Rejected but, cared for in a different way. 

"I don't want you to be the rebound girl."

"I don't want to ruin our friendship."

The words that warmed by heart while they ripped it to shreds. I try to look at it from a positive perspective, at least he cares…

Not often have I laid my heart on my sleeve, ripe and ready for the taking. Tired of being lonely, tired of keeping my feelings to myself, I put my heart on the line. Thinking that maybe the man that I like, who seemed to like me, would take it. But then; heartbreak.

"Somethings changed." He said.

"I kissed you because I thought I wanted to be more than friends."

"I don't want things to be awkward with you and the group."

"I like everything about you. You're special."

"I just can't be more than friends."

Confusion overtook me. What did it all mean? Had he over thought it all? Convinced himself that I wasn't what he wanted? Scared himself? Or, maybe I'm just not good enough? Not pretty enough, not…something enough. Did he even like me?

So I ask.

"I did." Was his response.

The world collapses. I missed my chance, somehow. I don't know when, or how, but I did. Maybe I should have pushed him harder, given him less time? More time? Maybe I should never have brought it up at all.

So I ask for one more kiss and a promise to tell me if he ever changed his mind.

"I'll let you know."

Things go back to normal. For the most part at least. We hang out, we laugh, we have fun. He acts as though nothing ever happened. And I wonder if I seem the same. Wonder if they can't see the pain behind the motions. The need to be held behind the casual touch. The yearning in my heart behind the laughter and the smiles.

Weeks pass, life moves on. Suddenly she's there, sitting on his lap, laughing with him, flirting with him. And he flirts back. He tells me that what didn't happen between us has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with him. He says he doesn't want to date her again, wants nothing to do with her, but he acts the boy in love. As someone who could be more than a friend I'm overcome with pain and jealousy. How could they act that way in front of me knowing how I feel? And yet, why shouldn't they? He's nothing of mine.

As a friend I worry. What's he doing with her? She's bad for him. She'll hurt him. But I say nothing, do nothing. The fear of discussing her with him holds me back. I don't want him to think it's the jealousy talking and not the friend. So the pain stays bottled up inside and nothing changes. The desperation behind each action grows and any chance to be near him I take.

Then the flirting starts again. I flirt, he flirts back. Why? We watch a movie with friends and he holds me, allows me to hold him. I revel in the feeling, glad to be even that close to him, but the confusion returns. The resignation abates. Maybe I have a chance? Or maybe, more likely. I'm seeing an oasis in a desert. He's just a flirt, he can't help it. It would have been the same for anyone else.

I'm alone. I have friends, sure, great ones in fact. But it's a different type of loneliness, one that I know he could take away. How long has it been since I've had one of those protective thoughts that only girlfriends get?

Not long. One of those thoughts hit me not long ago, but in relation to him. And what could I do about it? Nothing. And that hurt even more – to have those thoughts and not be able to do anything…

How long since I've felt wanted? Loved? How long since I've been able to be caring and loving toward someone special? So long. And it would have been longer if he hadn't come around. When he kissed me I felt those things I had wanted so badly. Those needs sated by the reciprocation of my feelings for him. But then it was taken away.

How I wish to have his arms engulf me, to have his lips moving hungrily against mine, to have my mind bewildered by the fact that he chose me.

But he didn't choose me. And that's not so bewildering. Look at the girls who go after him, beautiful, outgoing. And look at me. Not quite so pretty. Shy in anything relating to my own emotions. I talk and I laugh and I smile.

But until when? How long can I keep up the façade? How long can I keep my pride? How do I deal with the urge to kiss him? To hold him? Kissing him has been the hardest to resist. And when my will fails me? When he doesn't pull away. Does he just not want to hurt my feelings? Or does he like it when I kiss him? Would he take me if I offered myself to him? So many ifs, so many questions…

And all I can do is smile, tears in my eyes as I watch myself fall apart, piece by piece while I wait, and hope that he'll see what everyone else sees, what I finally saw in the two of us…


End file.
